# Identity What is one’s identity? It is how one identifies oneself — particularly the beliefs and values that one holds. As Rumi[[Rumi|º]] puts it, we are the mirror as well as the face in it.[[We are the mirror as well as the face in it by Rumi|º]] Why is one’s identity important? Well as I have heard it put, “You become what you believe.”[[You become what you believe, Tom.|]] A smaller identity leads to clearer thinking.[[Clear thinking|º]] As Paul Graham[[Paul Graham|º]] has discussed, clearer thinking is assisted by not having an overly large identity full of beliefs bogging us down.[[Clearer thinking is assisted by not having an overly large identity full of beliefs bogging us down.|º]] The fewer beliefs we attach to our identity, the clearer we will be able to think.[[The fewer beliefs we attach to our identity, the clearer we will be able to think.|º]] Thus to retain an open mind about beliefs and opinions, it is most helpful to let as few things become your identity as possible.[[To retain an open mind about beliefs and opinions, it is most helpful to let as few things become your identity as possible.|º]] Only in this way is it possible to have a fruitful discussion about something,[[In order to have a fruitful discussion about something, it needs to not engage the identities of any of the participants.|º]] because, as Graham identifies, generally you can have a fruitful discussion about a topic only if it doesn’t engage the identities of any of the participants.[[Generally, you can have a fruitful discussion about a topic only if it doesn’t engage the identities of any of the participants.|º]] Don’t be the one to constrict fruitful discussion on the mistaken belief that your identity is at threat! How do we do this? Graham[[Paul Graham|º]] says that it is easier to consider opposing views if one diversifies into multiple different domains.[[Diversifying into multiple domains makes it easier to consider opposing views because a challenged view doesn’t threaten you as a person.|º]] In this way, a challenged view does not threaten you as a person. It stops you from having to commit to and defend a position simply because it is so tied to your identity.[[Diversifying into multiple domains prevents you from committing to and defending a position simply because it is so tied to your identity.|º]] I am reminded of an analogy with learning languages: once you learn a second language, you realise that the rules, orders and principles of syntax of your mother tongue are not fixed, immutable and objectively correct. There is at least one other set of rules, orders and principles of syntax which seems to work as well! Once this first second language is learnt, the world of language — and the possibility of different ways of doing something, such as verbally communicating — explodes. Ego[[Ego|º]] is built on identity, and identification. As Eckhart Tolle[[Eckhart Tolle|º]] relates, ego is no more than identification with form, primarily thought forms.[[Ego is no more than identification with form, primarily thought forms.|º]] So while maturing as a human may involve developing one’s identity, emotional maturity and maturing as a *person* involves being flexible in that identity.[[Emotional maturity is having a flexible sense of identity.|º]] Eckhart Tolle[[Eckhart Tolle|º]] teaches that the more you make your thoughts and beliefs into your identity, the more cut off you are from the spiritual dimension within yourself.[[The more you make your thoughts and beliefs into your identity, the more cut off you are from the spiritual dimension within yourself.|º]] Often we love our identity — we love ourselves, and not necessarily in the good way (of self-love)[[Self-love|º]] but rather in the bad way (of narcissism)[[Narcissism|º]] But sometimes we struggle to love ourselves and our identity (and this can be even worse). Derek Walcott[[Derek Walcott|º]] speaks beautifully in his poem *Love After Love*[[Love After Love by Derek Walcott|º]] of the time one day when “with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other’s welcome” and when you “love again the stranger who was your self.” Sit. Feast on your life. Hold self-compassion[[Self-compassion|º]] for oneself. A strong sense of identity can get in the way of appropriately apologising. Because our sense of worth can be so tied up in our identity, sometimes we find it impossible to apologise because our identity is at risk of being significantly diminished, and therefore our sense of worth.[[Sometimes we find it impossible to apologise because our identity and sense of worth are at risk of being significantly diminished.|º]] At the same time, we cannot apologise for our identity. We can apologise for what we do. But we cannot apologise for who we are.[[We can apologise for what we do. We cannot apologise for who we are.|º]] This does not mean that we do not strive to be better.[[Project/Self-improvement|º]] (We are, of course, perfect just the way we are… and we could always do with a little improvement).[[“Each of you is perfect the way you are ... and you can use a little improvement.”|º]] But it is an acknowledgement that we are doing the best we can.[[Everyone is doing the best they can.|º]] So how does one limit one’s identity our identities from overtaking us? Graham[[Paul Graham|º]] has an answer for this as well:[[Preventing our identities from overtaking us requires doing the work required, diversifying into multiple domains, and actively seeking out change.|º]] 1. Do the work required 2. Diversify into multiple domains 3. Actively seek out change. Sorted! %% # Reference ```dataview LIST FROM [[]] OR #identity AND !outgoing([[]]) AND -"Templates" WHERE file.name != this.file.name SORT file.name ASC ``` # Archive - %%