%% > [!summary] Related > ```dataview > LIST > FROM "" > WHERE contains(related, [[]]) OR contains(this.related, file.link) > ``` %% # Apologising --- We all [[Making mistakes (summary)|make mistakes]]. What matters is what we do afterwards. This is where our character shines through. Apologising would be easier [[“If only our passion to understand others were as great as our passion to be understood. Were this so, all our apologies would be truly meaningful and healing.”|“if only our passion to understand others were as great as our passion to be understood”.]] However, typically it is not, and apologising can be hard. [[Sometimes we find it impossible to apologise because our identity and sense of worth are at risk of being significantly diminished.]] [[When we equate mistakes with being unworthy, lesser or bad, it is more difficult to admit error and apologise for being wrong.]] However, [[Apologising is a function of self-respect and self-worth.]] [[Looking at one’s harmful actions and becoming genuinely accountable for them requires a platform of self-worth to stand on.]] [[To offer a serious apology, you need the inner strength to allow yourself to feel vulnerable.]] Do not expect to receive anything from the person you are apologising to, as the apology is for them, not for you. Rather, [[The healing should come not from the response, but from the process.]] Bear in mind your boundaries when offering an apology, however. And make sure to distinguish between actions and identity. [[We can apologise for what we do. We cannot apologise for who we are.]] [[When offering an apology, it is essential to take unambiguous responsibility for the consequences of your actions and their impact on the other person.]] However, bear in mind you are not *responsible* for their feelings and how they reacted. You can — and should — apologise for what you have done. You should acknowledge the impact of your actions on the other person. But remember, [[We are responsible for our own behavior. But we are not responsible for other people’s reactions, nor are they responsible for ours.]] [[Everyone is doing the best they can.]] Including you. Apologising expressly is important. Indeed, usually it is necessary for clarity, closure and a healthy ongoing relationship, the other person clearly knowing where you stand and that you have taken [[OAR not BED|accountability and responsibility]] for what you have done. However, remember [[Words are not the only way of apologising.]] [[The best way to teach children to apologise is to model the behaviour yourself.]] --- %% # Reference ```dataview LIST FROM [[]] OR #apologising AND !outgoing([[]]) AND -"Templates" WHERE file.name != this.file.name SORT file.name ASC ``` --- # Archive - %%